I drew the following oekaki of Sin yesterday. I was kind of trying out a new style, somewhat like that of Spirited Away and also of Yoshitaka Amano.

Gosh, I feel weary today. I have not really done much, and I feel rather unproductive for having done so. Ah, well. I am about halfway through Einstein's Dreams, which has beautiful imagery, but it is taking longer than it needs to to read it because I am taking notes while I am reading. I wish I did not have to take notes, that I could just read a novel for school without stopping, but alas, I am sure I would forget things if I did that. I appreciate books more when I do not have to continuously stop reading to take notes, though. Reading purely for pleasure and not for school is a good thing.

I have to get up early to go to church tomorrow. I wonder why my mother makes me. I do not consider myself Catholic. I think Catholicism is a very romantic religion, fit for epic poems and fiction, but it is not for me. I believe all people are sons and daughters of God, not just one person, and that is the main reason why I cannot be a Catholic. I do not want to be. I am happy being my New Age/Gnostic self.

Actually, a pet peeve of mine with Catholicism is that they believe it is okay to be homosexual, but you cannot act on your feelings. You are fine being a homosexual, but if you so much as glance at a member of the same sex in a desirous manner, that is a sin. In other words, you have to deny who you are in order to please the heterosexual members of your religion. That does not sound to me like a loving religious belief. That sounds more like hate.

Ah, that last bit was all Brian Kinney, not me.

But I cannot be apart of a religion that damns me. How masochistic can one be? I wish to God everyone would just accept each other for who they are, and not try to get them to be what they are not.

Ah, now that I am on the topic of religion, I must say that I would also never be apart of a religion that tried to frighten me into doing good deeds. "Be good or the devil will get you." I want to do good anyway. I do not need some guy in red with a pitchfork constantly breathing down my neck, reminding me that if I do anything bad, I might be sent to him. Give me a break. This makes me suddenly think of Dune: "I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration," and all of that.

Sigh. I am sorry if I offended anyone. I just cannot fathom someone wanting to be apart of an oppressive religion. Though I am sure others cannot fathom being in a faith system devoid of the devil, devoid of fear, a completely free and un-dogmatic faith. Ah, well. We each believe what we want, and I am okay with that.

I have been listening to "Ghostwood" by Lothlorien all day. It is really beautiful. You can listen to it here. It's sort of Celtic-ish.

I really would like to see the second X-men movie again.

I am weary, I say again. Oh, what is that Shakespeare line... something about, "I know not what saddens me. It wearies me." I feel empty. My heart aches a little, though I do not know what I am missing. I hate feeling this way. This feeling tugs on my heart, it makes me feel dreadful. But I do not know what to do to get rid of the feeling. I am not consciously needing anything out of the ordinary right now, so I do not know why I am feeling this way...

Well, I take that back. I am to the point in QaF where Mel and Lindsay are about to get married. I relate most to Lindsay in the show, I think, and I am just kind of... jealous. But not overly so, so I do not think that is the whole reason why I am feeling this way.

...Grrrr!

Ahem. Anyway, let's see... Hmm... well, I really have nothing more to say, for, as I said earlier, this has been the most unproductive day I have had for quite some time.